It was some time ago that my husband and I decided to divorce; not out of hate for one another but out of love and respect. We have something that many people dream about, a great friendship and a love for our children and our family. We love each other, just not in a romantic sense and we have enough self-awareness to know that. Out of necessity however we are still married and reside with one another.
Neither of us are putting our lives on hold just because we are in this situation, we make it work. Back in May I joined a dating site. I was ready to get back into the game after a disastrous relationship prior to that. I will write about that another time…anywho…So in June I met someone. I had met a few people but one in particular clicked with me.
He and I are similar in so many ways and yet so different in others. Many times when you start something new it’s scary and uncertain. You have fears and doubts. You second guess things when they don’t go perfectly. Nothing is perfect. However, I went through those emotions and it was scary because I was falling in love with this person.
The last few weeks have been a rollercoaster for both of us and this weekend was supposed to have been a good one. Friday we went to the golf course and I was excited about that. I had mentally prepared myself for a great weekend. After a couple hours there and sheer exhaustion from lack of sleep something went wrong. By evening I had collapsed on the floor of my bedroom and created chaos. Headaches, being overwhelmingly hot, fainting, and a mass of other symptoms had everyone worried, including myself.
Being the stubborn person I am, I decided not to go to the hospital and sleep it off, Saturday started out so-so. I was feeling weak but I hadn’t fainted so I thought I was alright, Saturday night I was in the E.R. The fainting continued and gave way to some nasty seizures. All the while this man was by my side. He lost so much sleep over the weekend checking on me, trying to help me to get better. The tears made any doubts fall away and yet I felt enormously guilty for having gotten sick. Apparently a heat stroke will definitely define just how committed people are to one another.
I felt like I was on the verge of death and even typing this now I’m not a 100%…but I wont tell him that. I kept trying to laugh it off and joke between periods of unconsciousness…because that is what I do…especially when I’m worried. I don’t like to let on that I have fears for my own well-being. I try to be a rock even when i’m being ground into dust. I especially do not like other people worrying about me. My children, Steve, and this man that I love and has become a part of my family.
I hate that he had to see it, I hate that he watched helplessly during my awful seizure and I hate more than anything I couldn’t stop it. I honestly believe that as much as I feared for myself he held more of it. I could have died or been comatose. That isn’t something you want anyone to have to experience. I’m sure he was furious when I refused to stay in the hospital. I know the doctor was. Hospitals are not something I’m fond of and the last time I was there I had my gall bladder removed. He isn’t too fond of them either but was prepared to stay with me.
I guess what it all boils down to is how very lucky I am to have my family. As strange as it may be. I love them all with everything I have. There aren’t any norms anymore, and I’m okay with that. I’m happy to still be here and to feel very blessed to have what I do…even though shit gets rough. I will weather the storm with the very best people that life could have blessed me with. To everyone, I hope you are well and please be very cautious of the heat. I wont be staying outdoors for long periods of time in the foreseeable future…guess my golf lessons are on hold.