Strange things happen when people fall in love. They change their habits, their nature, their worlds. When you find yourself thinking more of the other person than yourself, you put their wants, needs, feelings, etc. before your own and this is fine until the selfishness or “self-awareness” kicks in and you feel as though it’s not reciprocated. You may know that the person loves you but you find that you are giving more than what you perceive is returned.
You dive head first into going into your comfort zone and accept and embrace all that they love as a new part of your life. That in itself isn’t a bad thing, but the resentment that builds slowly because perhaps they haven’t tried to share in the same enthusiasm with things that you enjoy. Things that they don’t normally love and you are waiting for the moment when they can just be there in a supportive way with a smile on their face because they are happy to share it with you.
People expect certain things out of a relationship…for example I don’t like secrets; I like things out in the open, other people are more private. So how does that translate for me? I feel like I am in turn a secret, I’m not good enough to be truly exposed to their reality and their world. When people don’t communicate how they feel and they aren’t meeting in the middle nothing gets resolved.
Some would say you shouldn’t have to change to be with someone…well that’s a foolish way to think. You shouldn’t change every single thing but yes some change must happen because when you decide to be with someone it isn’t just about you anymore, just as having children make you change. Change is necessary. Does it mean that you should start dressing differently or suddenly go to church? No, but it does mean that you take the other person’s feelings into consideration and find a reasonable solution to any problem that arises without changing the core of who you are or you chose to let that relationship go and find someone more inline with your way of thinking. The other person shouldn’t necessarily have to ask you to do certain things you should just want to do them because their happiness is as important as your own.
There will always be and should be a level of selfishness in a relationship because if there isn’t you can’t ever be truly happy, your needs aren’t being met. This is why relationships are work…if two people can just be together and not change anything about themselves and not work for the betterment of the relationship what is the point of the relationship?