Happy New Year, everyone. Welcome to the wonderful world of 2015. I hope it’s a great one for you. Monday I have a check list of things that I need to start on and get done so that I can be as productive this year as possible. In the meantime I wanted to talk about lies and truths. This all came from a blog that I read recently. It talked about how we do not empower young women to have healthy sexual relationships because we scare them. Ok, in some ways that may be true, but that isn’t the point of this blog. The content only serves as a jumping off point. So let me start with the example that started it all; “Telling girls that their first time will be painful is not only false but scares them into ignoring their sexual desires and having healthy sexual encounters.” Let me respond by saying that out of all the women I know (at least all the ones that I have discussed first times with) only two did not have a very painful first time. For me personally I know I did. That is the point…we tell based on our own experiences what our “truths” are or we tell lies to avoid scaring people or hurting feelings.
When a longtime childhood friend announced that she was pregnant several years ago I told her the truth of what I experienced with pregnancy. I told her that each pregnancy for each woman is different and most women do not have similar pregnancies with multiple children. However, I cut through the bullshit that people tell you, the, “Pregnancy is a beautiful and wonderful experience. You look so beautiful. It will go by in no time.” For some maybe this is their truth. For me, I told her all the things that even the books don’t tell you like the possibility for hemorrhoids. You may never have even had them in your life but rapid weight gain can certainly cause such a condition and with two out of four pregnancies this was an issue. So much so with my last one I couldn’t sit comfortably for a month. Another thing, the books and people do not prepare you for when you start to push and you suddenly and embarrassingly excrete feces all over the table. I know, I know TMI…how do you think I felt with a room full of nurses and people to experience such an encounter that nobody warned me about? So no matter how much those lovely nurses tried to reassure me that it was normal and to not worry I panicked. It created the worse delivery experience ever because I couldn’t get over the shock of what just happened. There are a million so called truths on this subject but I will leave it at that.
How about when you are asked to go out and perhaps you don’t want to just fess up and say, “Hey, I appreciate the offer but my lazy ass is too damn comfortable in my pajamas that I haven’t changed out of yet, even though it’s 4pm.” I try my best to be honest even in these circumstances. Just because I’ve learned that this is who I am. Sometimes I just really cannot bring myself to want to get dressed and do something when I could sit at home, wear whatever I feel most comfortable in with messy hair, and no makeup and watch countless seasons of some random television show or play games. I love my friends, I do but in this place in my life at this time I just don’t feel up to doing stuff sometimes. However, I know that there are many that still give the brush off excuses; Well I think I might have strep throat or my house just burnt down. Yeah, yeah not quite that extreme…but I’m sure you get where I’m going.
How many times have you met someone’s child(ren) and grinned ear to ear talking about how cute they were while they are tearing down your blinds or screaming and running around. What you are really thinking is, why the hell are you not controlling your child and being a responsible parent. My friends will tell you on most occasions when it comes to my home if you are not going to say something to fix the behavior I will absolutely tell your child to knock it off and behave or else I will have them sit and they wont play. Don’t like it? I can respect that so then respectively leave your children at home when you visit. That doesn’t mean I hate your child but I have a very low tolerance for that sort of thing. However, even I can admit that there are times that I have been in a position of biting my tongue rather than losing it. My children aren’t perfect and at times I am sure they can get under someone else’s skin too. However, I always make it a point to constantly know what they are doing and correct their behavior. I will not let my children run around your house, jump on your furniture or any such thing. Chances are I will most likely not take them to your house at all and we can go to a park so that if they feel the need to jump they will not disturb you, your neighbors, or myself.
Recently I went to eat with a friend and though I said plenty about the quality of food I received to my friend I refused to return it for a refund and choked down my super dry gyro that contained next to nothing for meat inside of it, lettuce that was browning (which i picked off), soggy tomatoes, and watery sauce. Yes I was not happy that this crap they call food was $6.00. Can I blame that people that work there? Maybe, maybe not. If that is what they have been instructed to serve and that is all they had to work with, well I can’t really fault them. I do not like to complain, and if it isn’t something really important I wont. I instead chose to be grateful that this friend had taken me out to eat, I had food in my stomach and despite the quality it was edible enough to eat and thus providing me some kind of sustenance.
The same thing applies when a woman says, “How does this_____look on me?” Though I am not condoning lying to someone; to me it’s a loaded question. Not everyone values an honest opinion when it can hurt someone’s feelings. Most the time I like hearing the truth but even I can admit if I asked someone how a particular thing looked on me and they said, “You look really fat in that.” I should be happy but I won’t be because you just pointed out the same thing I was thinking and now I feel like crap. On the flip side perhaps I shouldn’t have asked. Often, I tell people the truth even though I may think it may hurt their feelings. No I am not doing it to be vindictive anymore than someone who tells me a small lie to spare my feelings are. Sometimes telling the truth may not be the best policy though overall I recommend it. Each situation is unique and calls for delicacy when dealing with certain subject matters. If you feel so inclined, leave a comment…share a situation where you would have preferred someone tell you a lie over the truth or vice versa. I’d love to hear it. Thanks for reading and being a part of another year with me.