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WM05I was trying to work on my story, the most recent of many of unfinished manuscripts, and yet I find myself here. Why it is so hard is beyond me. My mind won’t focus and I’m at a loss. It’s okay though, tomorrow is a new day. I just have to figure out how to refocus. Mostly I have been stuck on my photography and finishing up edits to get people the photos they have paid for. I guess when you take extensive breaks it is really hard to just pick it up again. I wrote a few new paragraphs so I suppose I will try and try again until I get back into the grove of things once more.

So, in the meantime, Hi…how have you all been? I know it’s been awhile and this is officially my 82nd blog post. I am inching my way toward 100 posts, and that is pretty spectacular if you ask me. Admittedly writing has been hard for me to keep up with, especially as of late. I am just kind of rambling at this point because my brain is just all over the place. Hmm, well let’s see…what has been up with me lately, other than photography?

Not a whole lot to be honest. Reading mostly, I started reading Fried Windows in a Light White Sauce by Elgon Williams. I don’t know if I have posted that before, but it is taking me awhile to read it…again because my brain is on the fritz. It’s a really interesting story and if I haven’t said it before the only way I could describe it is; If Fuzzy Dice by Paul Di Filippo (which is super obscure it seems and I would be surprised if anyone aside from myself had actually read it) and The Universe is a Green Dragon by Brian Swimme had a baby, it would be Fried Windows in a Light White Sauce. That isn’t a bad thing, and I am not comparing my dear buddy, Elgon, to either of those authors. I hate comparisons but it was the only way I know how to describe it. I really can’t wait to finish it, and I recently read that his other stories are like spin-offs of the characters or they somehow intersect…which is really pretty awesome. He was right to say that there are plenty of stories to be told. Different perspectives and such.

Anywho, speaking of perspectives…yesterday I had a bit of a…hmmm…falling out with a family member. I wouldn’t know that I would call it a falling out as we weren’t that close to begin with. It was far more dramatic than I wanted to deal with. Basically a favor was asked of me and I simply couldn’t do it. I didn’t have the extra gas in the car to drive over there and back and knew I couldn’t complete the task on my own so I would need to get my son for backup. It just was not something that was feasible at the time. This person took the denial personal it seems and made a huge ordeal out of it. Let me say that badmouthing people on Facebook is really petty people. I guess it struck me particularly raw because some of the accusations and such were completely false, but that is the thing about perspective. What one person sees as truth is their perception. Frankly, I don’t care enough to try and change this person’s perspective when it comes to me…I never had. Now this may sound harsh and mean and perhaps I should be more caring or sensitive…but I am just not in this situation.

I have said for years that you can grow up with someone, even in the same home, and have completely different lives and experiences. Normally I am okay with that, unless your thought process is that you do not care enough to even try and understand my experiences and perception because of it, and instead assume and berate someone for which you have absolutely no understanding of them or the life they live day in and day out. Also, there was this assumption that I believed certain things that I absolutely did not…so I feel the need to clear this up real quick…I have always said that I am a multi-faceted person and I am. Unfortunately for some, not all people get the same from me. Not everyone gets the super caring, loving, person that I am most times. There are some scars that are far from healed and those wounds are what keep me harsh and cold toward some. I would like to say that I could have cleared these up if I just talked it out, but some people you just can’t talk things out with. I learned this a long time ago. So I keep it to myself and stay quiet….and others I am the opposite. So essentially I just learned to pick my battles and I would rather rid myself of people that I have to tip-toe around. It is far too strenuous.

Sorry, that was my version of venting the situation. Not to name names or to drag anyone through the mud, just to state my stance and say…yes, I feel a weight has been lifted and perhaps one day amends will be made and perhaps not. It is not a current concern. Now, for other things. I found someone willing to help me edit the submissions for the charity book project so now I just need to get those sent to him and we can start to piece this all together and get it done. Aside from that I am not doing much but trying to enjoy life, even with it’s struggles because it’s short and it’s special, and for all we truly know we only get one. So today I didn’t do much of anything but make dinner and try and decompress. Tomorrow I think I will enjoy some time outdoors with the kids, swimming and soaking up some sun. It is summer after all. I am trying to plan something a little special for my 100th blog but I’m not sure what…if anybody has any ideas, that would be spectacular. I really want to make it a good one.

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