It’s been quite awhile since my last blog post…I thought I didn’t have anything to write about. Today I realized that I have several posts that I want to do that are important issues surrounding people I know. This one in particular is about a childhood friend that is a drug addict.
Let’s talk about how I know C…this is what I will call him. C and I grew up together, inseparable for many years of our adolescence. Once upon a time he was the love of my young life and I couldn’t have imagined ever being without him. We had many on again off again relationships with one another and dated people in-between, but I always went back to C. That was until he dated a woman and had a child with her. The reason wasn’t the obvious, that he had a child with her, because I had children, too. It was instead because he had changed.
Rewind to being 13 years old and standing in my backyard. My heart wrenched for this boy that I would’ve given anything for. I looked deep into his eyes, while tears poured from mine. “It’s either me or the drugs,” I pleaded. An ultimatum due to his excessive marijuana smoking. The words that followed from his mouth were unimaginable ones, “I guess it’s the drugs then.” He walked away from me while I collapsed-unable to catch my breath and make sense of what had just transpired. Since 4th grade he was the only person I had ever really trusted and he walked away from me.
Throughout the years I talked to him about his behavior. Some may argue that weed isn’t a big deal…and maybe for a once in awhile user, it isn’t. However, to me, it is…and I watched him slip further away. He couldn’t go a day without being high. What did that result in? He stopped doing the things he loved; hockey, music, and striving to be successful. When the depression of how life hadn’t gone his way continued to take hold, the drugs got harder and the alcohol more frequent.
I pulled away from him years ago. Our conversations were infrequent and I couldn’t stand to be around him most times. All the begging and pleading I had done for him to get his life back on track hadn’t worked. Even though he would look into my eyes and tell me that he loved me, he refused to give it up. He became someone I didn’t recognize. He had gone from a plumper, healthier, version of himself to someone who was sickly thin (for him) and his teeth deteriorating rapidly. Heroine his drug of choice. No longer were the days of sitting up all night at a local Steak N Shake planning our very important futures, sharing our hopes and dreams, wishing on stars and gazing into each other’s souls because we knew one another so well. We had become strangers.
When a friend told me that he had passed out behind the wheel of his car and hit a tree, no matter how much I pulled away, I panicked. My heart and mind racing thinking that perhaps this would be the wake up call he needed. A few of us gathered in his backyard to stage an intervention that was met with defensive, deflective behavior. “I wasn’t high,” he said. “I was tired,” he said. I knew better. He was high, he had passed out. He was always watching his back at work, because they were ready to fire him at anytime. C was late often or didn’t show up. Ruining his life.
Shortly before he decided to start a relationship with his wife…I visited him. He was angry with me because I turned him down when he extended the offer of an “us.” I could never be with him because he isn’t himself anymore. Nor had he been for years. He pleaded with me to take him to a local bar, because I had plans to meet up with someone else in the city. It was almost as he was forcing me to cut my visit short at that point. The next phone call we exchanged after he told me how he felt that I couldn’t consider him in that way. I told him how his forcing me out of his company quicker than I had anticipated hurt me. We had gotten nowhere. We didn’t speak much more after that…then I received a message on Facebook from his fiancee.
I had heard her name over the years…I had nothing against her, but I had something against this relationship though I pretended to support it. Not out of jealousy but rather concern. C isn’t good for himself right now and having a true relationship under the circumstances didn’t seem feasible. Next thing I know they had gotten married. It happened so fast and of course, problems ensued. They fought constantly and he got worse. She continues to stay with him despite the fact that he doesn’t treat her well. He quit his job and overdosed while he had his daughter. This woman isn’t a bad woman that I can tell but she is ignoring some very important facts about their relationship.
C is a drug addict, you can’t save him when you yourself are indulging in drugs and alcohol. Any people in his life that partake in those things is just keeping him from getting better. He isn’t himself and therefore trying to be a husband is not something he can truly do. Stealing your money and keeping you trapped because he hides car keys is abusive and wrong, but that is what junkies do. By staying she is enabling his behavior and helping him to kill himself. All I can do is stand by and hear about what is going on, shaking my head in disapproval because I know that unless something drastic happens, he will die. I contacted the Dr. Phil show, because I think that they could both use the help. If they want a real relationship they need to both be completely clean and sober and have better influences in friends. It’s a sad reality that neither of them want to realize. Hopefully the producers call me back so that I can at least get them the offer of help that they need. The two of them together as they are is toxic…perhaps they can have a better reality in the future and really make a real relationship out of the facade they have now.
If you know someone who is suffering from drug addiction, there is a helpline to find resources for them: 1-800-662-HELP