So, I was talking to a male friend of mine today (whom shall remain nameless), and he was having some female troubles. This conversation went on for hours. I recognized a lot of things that he said, didn’t say, etc. that seemed to cause this big mess and confusion. It reminded me of one of my favorite lines of my favorite comic book, The Maxx. “For her, I can be a hero.”
For many women, no matter how strong we seem or how much independence we have, a part of us (most of us) want someone to be that hero. We want to know that you care, with words and actions. You can’t just take us out and spend time with us and expect us to know your feelings, and you can’t tell us how you feel but never give us that special attention and expect us to know they are true. We need a good balance of both. We need someone that is going to treat us unlike the other douche-bags we’ve dated in the past, and we want you to be the exception to that rule.
The excuse: Nice guys finish last. Not always, but you have to understand the complex chemistry of the female brain. Unfortunately, most of us are driven by our emotions, and if you see some great girl with some douche, chances are he wasn’t that way when she started seeing him. He put his best foot forward until his true colors leaked their way onto the once pristine canvas, changing it into what it is currently. Some kind of misunderstood art, that nobody can quite seem to decipher. She had probably already emotionally attached herself to said douche and therefore breaking up isn’t so easy. Once emotions come into play it’s hard to walk away. You base the relationship on the idea that things may go back to the way they were in the beginning all the while knowing that they won’t.
Also, remember that if a girl rejects you and you are a nice guy, it’s not your problem. She is either, not attracted to you either physically, emotionally, or mentally. Doesn’t have anything to do with whether or not you are a good person. People are simply attracted to who they are attracted to. Do not take it personally and make it your problem. That just means she isn’t right for you. However, when you have a girl that is putting the vibes out there, showering at your place, spending the night, finding excuses to always spend time with you…she is saying, “Hey, idiot…I like you. I’m just waiting for you to tell me how you feel.”
Yes, many of us women are messed up. We do test you, we do hint at things, and yes, we do expect you to be mind readers and know what to do with that. Is it fair? No, it’s not. However, I could get into a lot of behaviors that men have that aren’t great either. So we are even. Like I told my friend…we have romantic comedies and chick flicks for a reason. Most of us do want and crave romance, most of us wouldn’t know what to do with it when it hits us, but be patient and start slowly. The effort is appreciated. That does not translate into, spend a bunch of money on us, foolishly. The sweetest things are the ones that don’t cost anything or very little. Really though, we just ask that you get a clue. We do want someone to pick us up during our lowest points and be that hero for us. Some of us are super strong women and that can be intimidating…I get that. I’m told all the time that I intimidate men. I’m sorry. That doesn’t mean that I do not have a soft side, that side of me that yearns for romance, a strong man to pick me up when I can’t be strong, and just be that hero. I know there are tons of women that feel the same way. So ask yourselves, if your girl is worth it, for her, can you be her hero?