IMG_20130920_212959I’ve realized here recently that life is a very strange anomaly, and very fickle as well. It doesn’t always make sense, it’s never predictable, and no matter how dull it may seems at times, is never truly dull. There are people that you have in your life when you are younger that always cross your mind but you never really expect to see them or hear from them again. You get used to the idea after time that they are gone forever even if they aren’t gone from this world. It seems an unfathomable thing to imagine that they may once again reenter your world. When this happens it almost always catches you off guard and the feelings that come along with the unexpected surprise are confusing. Every person that you know or have known for any extended period of time hold some emotional value in your heart and mind. They are someone that you once loved or hated, or somewhere in between. It can be exciting, frightening, confusing, and all of the above all at the same time. I find myself more and more frequently in these situations. It’s not a complaint, the emotions evoked alone are enough to renew some sort of vigor in me, to once again breathe some life in the sometimes dull day to day routine that I maintain. I also believe in fate…there is a time and place for people to be in your life and the lessons that you learn from those relationships and there is a time when they aren’t meant to be there. Sometimes we become so attached to the idea of a person that we become a part of them, and sometimes we have to go it alone, without them. Lost and wandering in this world we have to frequently make new connections, have new experiences, and just continue to grow. This process is never quite over, it just repeats over and over again. It’s not a bad thing, it’s actually quite the contrary. As I continue on my path to search for myself I find my past popping up all over the place and yet new experiences and people as well. Most of this is welcomed and there are a few instances where it’s disturbing, but again, worth it to feel. If you ask a cutter why they cut themselves the typical answer is to feel alive. I feel alive through connections. The energy that attaches itself to people and the emotions and thoughts, and feelings that follow. My future is certainly uncertain as far as what I have left to see and experience, but the sooner we learn to except this ever changing life the better off we will be. Nothing stays the same and although change may be hard to except it’s good for the mind, body, and soul.

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