I always take a break from writing when I have more than enough to say. It’s when I find myself at a loss for words when the desire overcomes me to put fingers to keys and type. Why this is exactly, I have no idea. I can only assume that I miss it. Miss expressing my feelings and thoughts. Sometimes thoughts take a backseat to nonsense, but it’s cathartic either way.
I should really be studying. It’s hard to study though, because there is too much floating around in my brain that I have a severe case of A.D.D. and cannot focus. It feels like fall, and that always leaves me with feelings and thoughts of the past, of romanticism, of art, colors, music, but not homework. It’s a beautiful thing when I start my morning off with classical music, coffee, and thoughts of how you can incorporate all the colors of fall into the most exquisite painting. Of course, I do not have quite the talent to paint as my sister does. Even she is not as skilled as the paintings that have captivated me; Monet, Di Vinci, Picasso.
Anybody who has read my older blogs from my Myspace days understands this strange connection that I have with this particular season and it’s effects on me. I’m generally in a good mood, hopeful, calm, peaceful, slow to anger, and easy to forgive.
I suppose with all of that being said I am also very confused during this time. Particularly because that I can physically see the leaves changing colors and to me that represents change in my own life. I know that the end of the year is nearing and often over-analyze the particularities of my life over that last year. I make plans, I change my mind. I do find that I take great take great interest in the arts during the fall/winter season and that for one is a great thing. I want to instill in my children and love and appreciation for the same.
Kim and I are planning to go see The Nutcracker at the Touhill in December. If she can get a third ticket I will take Jade. One of the fondest memories of my childhood was my very first visit to The Fox Theatre to see the Nutcracker. I was in awe and amazement of the large building, it’s fine architecture, and the ballet itself was something spectacular. It was in late November, early December and it really set my mood and tone for the Christmas season. Growing up there weren’t many years of childhood splendor and fascination so I made my own. That particular year it was my grade school that made it.
The theater itself looked like it could come alive and it was magical. It really helped to shape me as a person, that very one experience. At that time in my life I was full of anger and sadness, but being there at that moment I went from feeling sorry for myself to feeling blessed. I felt as if there were so many more things to experience in life and that the bad things would come and go, but the good things were worth so much more that they took away those bad feelings.
I had a conversation with Kim about the arts the other day, how today’s generation isn’t exposed enough. They view it as boring, or something for old/rich people. I realize that my children, though they have gone on some pretty great field trips will never experience these things and grow up with the same opinions unless I show them.
When Katie and I went to see Wicked at the Fox we had a great time. It was the events that happened later that weren’t so great. It was my birthday (my 26th I believe) and I bought VIP tickets, and aside from some very rude, loud mouthed person sitting a couple of rows behind us the play was awesome. We didn’t stay until the end however. We were late for my birthday get together at the Time Out bar. We had a good time while we were there, but when Katie went to leave she discovered that Clay’s car had been stolen. Which of course had me feeling guilty. Aside from the guilt it was one of my better birthdays.
Life now is different. It’s a lot more about family and a lot less about friends. School, work, home. That is the routine now. On occasion I get to hang out with friends and on occasion they come here. It makes me wonder if friendships have an expiration date, because some people that were once really important I don’t talk to at all anymore, and when our lives settle down, school is over, our kids are older, will we have time for one another again? Will it be too late? See, this is the part where I over-analyze everything. To be honest I would like to finish one of my book projects but that would take far more time and far more work than typing this blog. I have time constraints because I do need to pass my tests this evening, finish my check-offs, and get my shit together. It’s the last day of the class. Not so great teacher aside, I could work harder. This class I have mostly A’s but more B’s than I would like. Thank the lord nothing below a B. I want to keep my grade point average high.
Back to the arts for a moment…I’ve decided that I am going to take some online courses through the Museum of Modern Art when I am finished with my schooling. I might go and get a degree in Art History just as a backup. A job at the art museum would be pretty awesome. Again, it’s my A.D.D. I suppose I will wrap this up for now. Fin